


holding hands under the streetlight

by ncts00line



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, References to Depression, Sleepy Cuddles, Soft Boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-14 16:29:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18056039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ncts00line/pseuds/ncts00line
Summary: life could be tough, but renjun was definitely tougher





	holding hands under the streetlight

The night was warm for early March, but Renjun couldn't feel it. He felt cold, shivers covering his body, scared he wouldn't ever feel warm again. He was past the stage of crying, now only filled with numbness and a desire to just close his eyes forever. In the back of his mind, he knew that if anyone found out he wasn't asleep or at least in the dorm, he'd worry them or even get in trouble, but caring was the last thing he could do right now. At least he had somehow remembered his phone for impromptu 12am walk. 

It was weird how he suddenly felt the need to go on a walk despite feeling like he had had his battery drained to 20% all day, but he felt restless and trapped and just needed a moment’s rest from it all. He hoped Donghyuck was still asleep and hadn't realized he was gone. Renjun was sometimes glad his boyfriend was a heavy sleeper. 

Renjun hadn't walked far, just crossed the road and walked the short distance to the small woods near their dorms. He opened the gate and sat down on the picnic table. Pulling his (nearly-dead, he noticed) phone out of his pocket, Renjun saw the time was now nearing 1am. For some reason, this scared Renjun, anxiety finally slipping and settling into his bones as he hoped his heavy-sleeper of a boyfriend would be sleeping light enough tonight to hear his phone ringing.

On the 6th ring, just as Renjun was about to give up, he heard a crackly voice call out and he had to take a deep breath so he wouldn't start crying.

“Junnie? Hello, Junnie, are you there? Where are you?” Donghyuck asked, his voice still ladeled with sleep.

Breathing in again, words feeling like too much effort, Renjun answered in an almost whisper, “The woods by the dorm.” He felt like he was choking as his eyes misted over.

“Hey jun, it's ok, I'll be there as soon as I can. Don't move, I'm coming.”

Just hearing Donghyuck's caring tone caused a tear to slip out Renjun’s eye. He felt so cold, so alone, his thoughts were tumbling around in his head. It wasn't a rare occurrence of times like this happening, but it wasn't common either. Something usually triggered these breaks, as Renjun called them, but he really couldn't think why this time. A few scenarios popped up, but none of them were the main cause, just incidents that made him feel worse. He decided that this was a thought for another time, as he zeroed back into Donghyuck's voice.

“Junnie, are you still there? Where exactly are you? Junnie, please answer me.” Donghyuck sounded slightly out of breath, implying he was running. 

“The picnic bench,” Renjun sighed. “Please hurry, I'm so sorry, I'm scared.”

“Hey, hey, don't panic,” Donghyuck's slightly distorted voice called out. “Think of your colours.”

Renjun’s head cleared as he remembered the colours. They were just a way to ground himself.

“There's a red number written on the table,” Renjun began mumbling. “I can see a orange and yellow flower under the table. There's lots of green, I'm in the woods. The sky is blue, or at least dark blue now and…”

“I can see a cutie in a purple hoodie that looks suspiciously like my own.” Renjun heard Donghyuck's voice from behind him and stumbled out from under the table to hug him. Donghyuck hugs were the best hugs, in Renjun’s opinion. He had never felt as safe and warm anywhere else. Renjun perfectly fit into Donghyuck's neck and he cuddled under while Donghyuck cuddled over. 

Donghyuck held Renjun’s face in his hands. “Are you ok? You aren't hurt or anything?”

Renjun shook his head, but grabbed one of Donghyuck's hands, leaning into the warmth. 

“Let's get you home, Junnie bug.”

The walk was quiet, Renjun’s smaller hand enclosed in Donghyuck’s slightly longer ones. The silver streetlights created shadows over the boys, their intertwined hands turning slightly blue from the cold. Maybe it was just Renjun.

The journey to the dorm once they were inside their building was relatively quiet, shuffling and gentle thank you’s following them to their door. Pushing the door open, Donghyuck and Renjun found Jeno and Jaemin cuddled up on the sofa, asleep as a movie played on tv, just as they were when Renjun left. Donghyuck turned the tv off and covered the couple with a blanket before turning back to his boyfriend. 

“Do you want a shower or anything to eat? A drink?”

“Just want you,” Renjun replied, his answer almost lost in the wind. Donghyuck smiled, tangling their hands together again and walked back to Donghyuck's room.

“What's up, Junnie? You only ever go on walks when you're more down than usual,” Donghyuck started after they had both lay down. 

Renjun looked down at their still intertwined hands. “I'm not sure, to be honest, might just be the time of year,” he shrugged. 

“Hey, I know something's up, but I won't push you right now. Let's just sleep. I hope you feel better soon, Junnie, I love you.” Donghyuck pressed a kiss to his forehead as Renjun curled himself up into the other's chest. 

“Thank you,” Renjun mumbled into the fabric of Donghyuck's top, “I love you more. I'm sorry.”

Donghyuck smiled fondly at the elder. “Don't apologize for something you can't help. I know times like this are tough but I can promise you, you deserve love and you deserve someone to care for you. I know you'd do the same if this was the other way around. Let me just care for you, please.” 

Donghyuck felt a nod from the other, and took that as a sign Renjun understood. He tightened his arms around Renjun, and allowed them both to sleep.

 

The mornings after breaks were always weird. Renjun felt as if he got the majority of it all out of the way, but could still feel a little bit of it, the tingling and shivers still gracing his body. Instead of only 20%, he would have around 50% battery, enough to get up and go out to do what was required of him. Donghyuck would be there, not suffocating him, not worrying over his every move, but just there, offering him gentle reminders to practice basic hygiene and to nourish his body, even just a little. They would climb into the van, and Renjun would rest his head on Donghyuck's shoulder as he stared out the window, watching the world go by. They'd go do what they needed to, throwing as much as he could, Donghyuck filling up for what Renjun didn't. Renjun was so thankful to have an angel such as Donghyuck in his life. Donghyuck would simply shrug as he wrapped his arms around Renjun, say something about how Renjun was the real angel around here.

Life could be tough, but Renjun was definitely tougher.

**Author's Note:**

> hello sorry its been a wee while since i last posted, if you cant already tell from the fic, life has been kicking my ass recently ! but idk if this is good or not i just really wanted to post something. if you're going through anything, im @dreamiesintl on twt, ill try my best, n i love you and you are important 
> 
> \- lay


End file.
